What comments would you say?

I have just read what I think is the funniest and most creative start to a story ever, from a boy in my class.

To set the scene

Yesterday the class (year 6 age 10) were asked to create a Martian using the Make a Martian app for the iPod Touch. I explained that we were going to be using the Martian they created as the basis for a story next week.

After creating and saving their Martian they had a grid on an A4 sheet of paper that they needed to fill in describing each of the body parts chosen with as much description as possible.

Child A finished his work and was allowed ‘Choosing Time’. Unbeknown to me he used the Notes app (don’t think I had ever shown him it before) and he wrote the following and then emailed it to me. I only saw and read it this morning.

Martian Story

What comments would you write/say if you read this?

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16 Responses to “What comments would you say?”

  1. Gerald Haigh Says:

    I suppose you have to take notice of your teacher regarding the name of the planet, but me I wouldn’t worry. Examiners — and believe me I know — deserve something to cheer them up from time to time. Really good story Alfie, well told. Keep it up .

  2. Lucy Says:

    Yes definitely had a good chuckle after reading this story, espcially liked the spontaneous feel of it!

  3. TinyAcorns Says:

    I love the way that you relate to your audience, and talk to them as though they are there with you. Your sense of humour also comes through brilliantly as it really made me laugh.

  4. Jo Says:

    I loved your story but it’s not fair finishing there – I want to know the secrets!!

  5. simfin Says:

    I like Dave already! Does his planet smell? I imagine it would! What does Dave like to eat? Can I ask what would he eat with Apple pie? I think you can tell a lot about a person by their answer. 🙂

  6. Twinkle Says:

    I love the o dammit I’ve already used that one! Very entertaining!

  7. kathemy Says:

    You’ve got me hooked – the descriptions are excellent, I can rally imagine the place!

  8. James Says:

    Fab Story! Got me hooked in the first paragraph! i want to read more! Keep it up!

  9. Nicki Says:

    I love the description and you got me hooked. What’s the secret? Fantastic humour!

  10. Bird42 Says:

    Fantastic story! It reminds me of Terry Pratchett’s way of talking to his reader.

    I’ve marked SATs, and if I came across a story like that in my pile of 300 papers it would have cheered me up more than a 6 pack of Pepsi Max.

    You should feel very proud.

  11. Nic Richardson Says:

    Ask him to write some more please, I want to know what happens!

  12. Vanja Says:

    Great story, I like your sense of humour…Enjoyed reading it and I want more 🙂

  13. jfb57 Says:

    This sounds like a great place to be. I wonder if I’d like Dave if I met him. What do you think?

  14. Mrs Hanson Says:

    Totally agree with others re comments made me laugh and want to know more please.

  15. Debbie Says:

    I’m hooked. I can’t wait to hear about Dave’s secrets. When can I read chapter 2?

  16. The Martian Story continues… « Adventures in Learning Says:

    […] a previous post called What Comments Would You Say?, I shared a story that a boy in my class had written. After posting it here a number of fabulous […]

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